Helping a Friend through a Break-Up
One of the worst experiences one can ever go through is the heartbreaking end of a relationship. What’s almost as bad as going through your own, is helping your best friend get through one. You want to make the pain go away, and you want to make her feel better.At times you may get frustrated and hurt, because despite all of your valiant efforts, she sinks further into a sea of depression. Don’t give up. Although it may not be immediately apparent, you can make the difference between misery and happiness.
Instructions
1 - single most important thing you can do to help a heartbroken friend is to listen
She’s going to want to talk – whenever she’s ready. It may be immediate or it may take a few days. If she calls at 3am ready to cry on your shoulder, make a pot of coffee and break out the tissues. Make the time to be there for her. If she seems OK, be prepared for the eventual fall out. She may seem perfectly happy as you head to the movies one day, then break down in tears because his favorite car passes you on the street. Skip the movie and head to a park. If she doesn’t feel like talking one day? Leave it be. She may even want to be alone for a little while. Don’t take it personally. She’ll need you when she’s ready.
2 - Be sympathetic and be patient
She’s going to repeat the same stories and complaints and questions over and over. Let her. Don’t give advice at this point. Ask questions, if you must, to clarify what she’s feeling, but for the most part, just be quiet and let her spill her guts. She’ll experience a whirlwind of emotions, from anger to sadness. That’s OK. She needs to let out all of these emotions before she can begin the healing process.
3 - When she begins to ask for advice or for your opinion, be careful of what you say
Whether you liked her ex-beau or not, don’t be quick to bad-mouth him. On the chance they get back together, you don’t want your negative comments ringing in her ears whenever you’re all together. Also, this is not the time to mention what a jerk you always thought he was.It will come across as an “I told you so…?" which is not what she wants or needs to hear at this time.
Don’t lie – but as my mother always said – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. At the same time – don’t defend him. Even if you think he may have been in the right on some points. This will just make her angry and feel as if her best friend is turning on her. Sometimes silence is best.
4 - Reassure her of her good traits
Never does your self-esteem take a blow as hard as during a break-up. Compliment her. At some point she’s sure to blame the entire break up on herself. “I wasn’t cute enough?" or skinny enough or fun enough or funny enough, etc. etc. She’s your best friend for a reason. Remind her of those reasons. Point it out to her when guys are checking her out at the mall. If she’s feeling really low, take her to a spa for a facial or a massage. Counter every bad thing she says about herself with a good thing. Eventually it will sink in to her.
5 - Make every effort to perk her up
Mail her a greeting card. (Even if she lives next door.) Send her flowers or chocolates. If you see a funny comic in the paper – cut it out for her. Tell her to play hooky from work and take her out for a day of shopping or fun. Have an old fashioned slumber party: rent movies that make you cry like a baby, (Fried Green Tomatoes, Steel Magnolias and Beaches to name a few. – link to all of these) do each other’s nails, make homemade cookies and eat the dough, etc. Don’t treat her like an invalid, but give her extra attention right now.
6 - If you feel like you’re under pressure – you are
This is your best friend we’re talking about. It won’t be easy. Seeing a friend in pain never is. But helping her get through this experience is one of the greatest things you can ever do for her. Just remember, as you’re listening to her rehash their last fight for the hundredth time: it could be worse. It could be her consoling you.